Getting Over Versus Moving On

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Image: Anthony Tran

“Moving on and getting over, are not the same, it seems to me. Cause you’ve been gone, I’m growing older, but I still can’t seem to get you off my mind. And I do believe I feel you all the time.”

John Mayer penned these words for his 2017 album the Search for Everything. The melodic beat perfectly blends a smooth 1970s inspired funk with thought-provoking lyrics. We have all had situations where we just cannot shake the memory of a past love despite our best efforts. A smell, hearing “your song”, or being back in that one place causes the memories you shared to flood to the surface, and you are in trouble.

We move on by force or by habit, but usually not by choice. However, there is always an element of mystique about the one who got away, the one we wanted, but the timing was never quite right. We are never truly over that person. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, to move on means “to go on to a different place, subject or activity.” Conversely, to get over according to Cambridge Dictionary online is to “to accept an unpleasant fact or situation after dealing with it for a while.” Based on the definitions, the two are not the same, which explains why you can be with someone else and not be over your old love.

To tackle this problem, you must decide what team you are on, team move on or team get over. It is essential to your well-being to decide what you want the outcome to be. For this discussion, let’s look at moving on as a bridge that leads to getting over. You are probably thinking, “How am I going to do that when I can Google him/her whenever I want?” This is a true statement. The fact is that it’s not about them at all, it is all about you. You will have to dig deep and find your resolve if this is going to work.

Image: Luis Galvez

“Moving on and getting over, are not the friends they used to be. It’s been so long since I got to hold you, but I still can’t seem to get you off my mind. And I do believe I feel you all the time, all the time.”

Are you ready to try? Great! Here are a few ideas to consider while on your journey of getting over.

1. Sort out your feelings: Implement healthy habits
Generally, after a break up, you get in a rut. You start doubting yourself and your ability to be and find a quality mate. You need to quell the negative self-talk. There are many emotional outlets available. You can try out seeing a therapist. The great thing about this is most employers offer Employee Assistance Plans (EAP) which allow you to have three free sessions. You could purchase a journal and a new favorite pen to write out your thoughts. This can be helpful because you do not have to censor yourself. You can say whatever you
want exactly how it comes out. Another tried and true method for getting over is to have a movie night/cryfest with your best friend(s). This method creates new memories, usually involves laughter, and good food.

2. Find an outlet for your energy: Get active
You probably have more free time than you did before. How do you want to spend it? When was the last time you went for a hike or visited your favorite park? If you have been eating your feelings, now might be a perfect time do so. If you have been expending all your
unexpressed emotions in the gym, why not switch it up, and check out that new restaurant you heard about but haven’t tried yet. If those do not move you to action, how about experiencing the arts? Your local theater has a play or movie with your name on it.

3. Use your powers for good: Help someone in need
Sometimes when a relationship ends, you are focused on your situation and your feelings. What better time than the present to focus your energy outward. Take a moment and think of your personal superpower. Are you great at working with youth? Consider becoming a mentor. Do you have a heart for people in need? Consider serving at a shelter. Is your passion for plants, fruits, and vegetables? Consider volunteering at a community garden or nursery.

The truth is, there is no quick fix for healing a broken heart. Time seems to be the best medicine. However, implementing healthy habits, getting active, and helping others will improve your mood. In the meantime, focus on making yourself happy. When you are happy, your world is a brighter place.

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